Is this the kind of life I should lead in the NS?

So far, i have joined TDS BSC platoon 1 for more than 6 months. SSC 20 and 21 have even joined the platoon already. Though the living pace now has slowed down as SSC and BMT training phases are over, life is not getting any better for me in TDS.

Ever since i came to TDS, from OJT until now,i have seemed to have made a lot of enemies instead of new friends. Though its not appropriate for me to mention their names here, given the fact that i have been enduring their nonsense for so long,i have no choice but to vent my frustrations here. I guess this is my only channel to voice out my feelings. So for those who have been very sarcastic to me or spread rumours abt me, dun ever think i'm a pushover just because i keep quiet abt it and that doesnt mean u guys can keep gossipping abt me!!!


Platoon 1 is very well-known for spreading rumours and gossiping. those ppl involving in "bullying" me are: 3SG Joseph (fan)Choy, QQ, Liang Hong,CPL Kristen, Jefter Ang, Jafar,Aaron,Jermyn, Jason Oh, Jason Lim KX, Han Loong,Edmund,Rafiz,Boon Hou,Tian Hui,LCP Chris Torsen the bi,Wilson,Daryl Ho(le),Kwang Wei,Yuxuan,Idrus,Kevin Chew,Shui Yuan aka shui jiao gyoza,Zhen Ye,Nicholas Lee,Weijie,Kynaston, Jun Liang and Azizul...

those names i mentioned, pls listen!!! U think u can manipulate me? Not so easy. I am sure God will judge u by the end of the day for u guys already judging me!

i knew from Zhen Ye and nicholas lee (SSC20) that the seniors (SSC 18 and above) have been feeding them a lot of stories about me. they have blacklisted me in this platoon as i have a lot of bad reputation in this platoon such as my ops very cui and my poor hygiene. none of them are willing to sit next to me whenever ther's a lesson or bus trip to another place. they are very sarcastic, whoever sits next to me is the "hero"...like as if sitting beside me will kena disease....Fuck u!!!

Although i am a christian, i wun hesitate to use such a vulgar phrase. i need to speak up one day.i know that i cant always be a tortoise,always hiding under my shell (comfort zone). So Lord Father, is this the kind of NS life i am goin to live? Or is thisgoing to continue on the rest of my life?

sian ah, next monday (14th sep 2009) is the start of Exercise Praxis....Lan lan suck thumb....fucked up la!....will be staying in until 23rd sept...hmm ok at least can look forward to take leave on my birthday after praxis...hehe

Time really flies. Tomorrow will be my mounting day. the 7 days of standby seems so short,yet 7days of mounting duty in camp seems so long...my vocation in tuas naval base as a sea soldier really sucks......



So far i have joined TDS Platoon 1 for almost 4months already. Initially i dun like to join platoon 1 at all because of this selfish fucker who thinks he's always right. Well, my lucks dun seem to be good thats y i kena this platoon even though i really prayed so hard to get into platoon 2 (which is popular among everyone in ssc19)



I have something in mind. I have similar case like Kevin Alexander Chew (from SSC 20) and Kelvin Teo (from ssc12). We are all outcasted,especially by our own batchmates. Ever since the OJT (on-job training) period in TDS, most of my batch mates never talked to me in respectful manner. They are either being sarcastic to me or like to find fault with me, or even to the extent of badmouthing me behind my back to the ssc 20 or the seniors.



they can dislike me for all i care, but i never expect them to do such thing to destroy my name. How can they influence other ppl to dislike me as well? this is certainly not fair to me,especially when platoon 1 is well known for the culture of 老教切新教....so surely platoon 1 seniors, especially that fucker sergeant who's living in serangoon, will definite qie me....



Thus my life in platoon 1 is definitely not a smooth sailing and easy in the first place. Whether i do duty at West and East towers, DOC or guardhouse, there will bound to be someone who wun like me at all. this harsh fact has made me so emo ( slang for being demoralised and depressed) already. there are times when i really talk to myself by using my hp to act as a smoke object but Sergeant Danial, my GC, caught me doing that but i denied it.



Its only then when i do duty with that fucker Kelvin Teo (ORDed already), Jafar the CQ and Liang Hong (ssc 18 sgt), i understand why so many ppl in platoon 1 dun talk to me or even see me as invisible. this fact has further made me so emo.



As i have done several duty cycles, ssc 20 have also joined TDS. When i first met ssc20, i felt that time actually pass very fast as one month we only have to complete 2 duty cycles.when ssc 20 joined the platoon, i will become a senior. i do felt good about it. so when ssc20 were doing their ojt, i will take this good chance to build up friendship with them, and at the same time,while imparting ops knowledge to them as a senior, i can also improve on my daily land and sea security ops. I knew that my ops is really damn cui (hokkien word for lousy and fucked up), but i am willing to go thru my ojt notebook again and refresh my memory and also learn the hard way by kena fucked by that fucked up guard commander constantly during normal ops.



ok la, i shall stop here as tomorrow is the start of duty. so gotta sleep early tonight.....

Its's been almost 3months since i last blogged...Time flies... Actually its quite hard for me to maintain this blog and its a surprise that my blog exists until now...

There are many times i wanted to pour out my emotions into this blog but due to the fatigue from 7 days duty in camp,so i cant be bothered until now.

Recently i logged on to MSN. Then i saw Kelvin Wah,one of the friends i knew in SP,online. Now he dun really speak much to mi le . Perhaps i am no longer belong to his former care grps,so he has no obligation to keep in touch with me....3yrs of friendship,just gone like that....

Kelvin is my senior for the same course we studied. In fact, he's the very first friend i knew in SP 4yrs ago as he approached me when i went to SP for enrollment. He asked me to do a simple survey for him and the survey is all about Christianity. He was actually doing evangelism job, trying to engage non-Christians who just joined SP. This is how i get to know him when he smsed me one month later.

Kelvin was from God of Hope Church Singapore. there are many times he keep inviting me to his care group, which is quite to City harvest church version of cell group. Eventually, under pressure i decide to accept Christ as my Saviour and Lord.

Things weren't too bad until months later i felt that i have been blindly attending services every sat,and also have to stay ard for "fellowshipping"....that time i wasnt financially healthy so i always gave excuses to siam this fellowship. Everytime we went to S11 foodcourt or Republic foodcourt at Wisma i will have to spend at least 10dollars. sometimes, if the caregrp is going somewhere to hang out, thats even worse...

That time, i also attended Jehovah Witnesses Bible study actively,so more or less, i am drifted away from God. Also later on the care grp leader knew about it, he gave me a good lecture and from that time onwards the ppl from that care grp started to treat me with different attitude....

Here's the main thing i wanted to share: I hated those Christians who go all the way out for the unsaved ones just to convert them to christians. thats y even if they dun really like this particular "lost sheep",they still have to be nice to them for a purpose. this is why i feel that kelvin's caregrp are very fake or insincere since they befriended me for the purpose of evangelism (in evangelism, fellowship is one of the important steps before sharing christ)....

All along, i am not keen to be converted at all. Even Kelvin (my only close friend in this care grp) keep pressuring me to get holy baptised so that i can pray in tongue alomg with the church. i'm amazed by their persistence to get me baptised by praying non-stop but seriously i dun really feel the presence of Holy Spirit at all. So to avoid wasting time, i actually acted as if Holy Spirit has came to me and i am given the gift of tongue. this moment indeed made them so happy.

I always felt that i am not a genuine converts yet i obliged them by attending shepping session and weekend services...i have plans to tell kelvin that i will leave this care grp for good.....1month later, i went back to city harvest church to re-experience the home and presence of the Lord when i was still attending CHC svcs....that service i attended have made me soften and touched my heart and i decided to go back to CHC. As such, i told kelvin of my decision to leave the care grp for chc when he asked me when i wanna go back for caregrp. fortunately, he respected my decision as he understood my reasons for doing that...

Soon after that, those ppl i knew from kelvin's caregrp has treated me with different attitude. When i bumped into Lennon(care grp leader), caleb and Elisha(my shepherds), Jaron,Zhenyan and the rest in school, i said hi to them but they treated me as invisible... Was kind of disappointed but this is understandable as usually i hack care about this care grp by not attending services and caregrp meeting regularly...i am rude to Lennon and i dun usually mix with my care grp ppl. thats y i was thinking, with my fucked up attitude, why they still treated me so nice? if one day i'm not of the family, they will show me their true colours....they should dislike me, not tolerate me and still smile at me...so fake lor...haiz...

I'm so disappointed with HOPE OF GOD CHURCH S'PORE!!!

爱的太迟 by 古巨基

我过去那死党早晚共对各也扎职以後没法畅聚
而终於相约到但无言共对疏淡如水
日夜做见爸爸刚好想呻 却霎眼看出他多了皱纹
而他的苍老感 是从来未觉太内疚担心
最心痛是 爱得太迟 有些心意 不可等某个日子
盲目地发奋 忙忙忙其实自私 梦中也习惯有压力要我得知
最可怕是 爱需要及时只差一秒 心声都已变历史
忙极极放肆 见我爱的见相知 要抱要吻怎麽也好
偏要推说要等一下次


我也觉我体质仿似下降 看了正得到是别要太忙
而影碟都扫光但从来未看 因有事赶
日夜做储的钱都应该够 到圣诞正好讲 跟我白头
谁知他开了口 未能挨下去 己恨我很久
错失太易 爱得太迟 我怎想到 她忍不到那日子
盲目地发奋 忙忙忙从来未知 幸福会掠过
再也没法说锺意 爱一个字 也需要及时
只差一秒 心声都己变历史 为忙而放肆
见我爱见的相知 要抱要吻怎麽也好
不要相信一切有下次 相拥我所爱又花几多秒
这几秒 能够做到又有多少
未算少 足够遗憾忙掉
多少抱憾 多少过路人
太懂估计 却不懂爱锡自身
人人在发奋 想起他朝都兴奋
但今晚未过 你要过也很吸引
纵不信运 你不过是人
理想很远 爱於咫尺却在等
来日别操心 趁你有能力开心
世界有太多东西发生 不要等到天上苦困

Finally just dismounted from my 7 day duty at Tuas naval base....Quite a few things happened recently. First is the outbreak of swine flu in Mexico, therefore Singapore govt,being kiasu,has raised the alert level from green to yellow to orange. Orange code means that for us doing land side duties have to wear mask and gloves when on duty as we will be directly in contact with the incoming drivers and walk in personnel to our base...just like Sars episode 6 years ago... sian....

Another thing is that i have secured a place in NTU (i used to go there for fyp) and i will be reading a Master degree in Chemistry and Biological Chemistry. I will commence my uni study next yr Aug,so i will have to request for disruption of NS from my unit TDS (Tuas Defence Squadron) for one month...As u know, 1 month does make a lot of diference....anyway,Congrats to myself! :)

Feeling very tired now,so i going to sleep now....Good nite and have a sweet dreamz.... :p

I shall just blog for a while before i go to bed for tomorrow's mounting duty. I have started my OJT last friday(which is yesterday). So far not so shack yet....our duty post quite slack sia...haha..thats all i can blog about my camp....

我有想过以后ORD过后，我会在新家玻工作一段日子，然后打算去外国（还不知道要去哪个国家）住几年。。新家玻对我说是个伤心地，有很多不好的回忆，所以想离开这个地方。我好想重新过我的人生。有很多事情我自己没办法去解决，所以索性抛开一切，跑到别的国家居住。。

好了，我就讲到这里，该去睡觉了。 晚安。。。:)

Yes, i passed out from Sea Soldier Course (SSC) loh....

Hey everyone so sorry that i din blog for such a long time. All right,after being absent for 2months, i shall update what happened for the past 2 months,be it in ssc or outside camp....

Firstly, i have successfully passed out from my ssc,which was the 19th batch. In addition, on that passing out day on last friday, i have also managed to do 6 chin-ups for my IPPT,thus i was granted a conditional pass,which means i have managed to pass this ippt (with chin-up being the only station i failed previously) together with previous ippt results. In all, i am really very delighted that i have come to make such a good achievement. To many, a pass in ippt is nothing but to me,its a great achievement cuz for the past 7 years since sec sch i have never passed a single NAPFA or IPPT test before. Besides, SSC has helped me improve on my 2.4km run timing from 13:00 to 11:20,which is a great improvement and also my standing broad jump(SBJ) has "jumped" from 195cm to 225cm...thats the wonder of SSC,i just cant believe that i can achieve a pass in ippt ever in my life.....so if those just passed out from BMT and has been posted to sea soldier vocation, pls dun be sad or demoralised cuz SSC will make u become even stronger person,be it physically or mentally. Trust me. If i can do it, so can you.

Yes, SSC have indeed changed mi into another person who has more self confident and physically fitter, with all the swim lessons and AGR runs in the morning daily. All the effort i have put in has indeed paid off. Praise the Lord for giving me the strength to be able to do 6 chin ups and pass my final ippt! I will continue to train hard and aim for a silver for ippt....Amen.

During this 10 weeks of SSC, i am assigned to this section Shield. (the iother 3 being Spear,Strike and Storm). i have attended all the programs without getting a single status, such as physical training (AGR and speed training), weapon training (SAW, M203,GPMG,M16S1,P226),swims lessons,fire fighting and chemical defence course @CDA, Control n Restraint, section training, urban ops, and finally the basic seamanship course. I must say the 10 weeks in ssc is damn siong. with all these training programs mentioned earlier packed in the 10 week schedule, it can really make u so demoralised.

Not just all these, we all still have other routine which are done daily such as do 12 chin ups (assisted) before meals, and standby area,bed,bearings,pt shoes,and other silly things u can think of....standby like siao. Besides that, we still have to march from Panglima to 215 (2km long) in clean fatigue,SBO or FBO most of the time. By the time, we reach the destination,be it Panglima or 215 (Home of the sea soldiers), our smart 4 will become damn sweaty....but usually after reaching to 215 we have water parade,so should be ok.....Oh yea in ssc, all the trainees are required to shave their head to even shorter than bmt hairstyle...wtf, its like going bk to bmt....well,ssc is really like my 2nd bmt...haha...and somemore we have go back to the olden days of army where we all have to iron and starch uniforms and jockey caps,kiwi boots until kiwi shine like crystal shine and no touching of bed until RO is over...sian ah,ssc is such a f***** up vocation.....

Well, despite all these, some of the nice instructors are here to help us. these are my appraisal of the instructors in ssc:

2SG Gopi (PS): When he shout, he can be really intimidating...So "u all better wake up your idea!" or double or he'll pump u like hell...(30 push-ups is no joke!).... anyway he always like to find people whose timing around 12min to keep pace with...he's getting less fitter man,as i always see him struggle during 2.4km run in ippt.

2SG Matthew Mak (ACSM): the most f***** up person i have met in ssc. Always like to tekan ppl alot,especially when we din meet his std of march...his pet phrase is "Hello!" in a sharp and sarcarstic manner...It is rumoured that he doesn't have a pleasant childhood and teenagehood in secondary school days...just like mi,i can understand how he feels...To think he dare to label us the Girl Guides,Pussy of the seas...

3SG Gerald Chee: My sect commander (Shield). Can say that he's my section's most fav instructors cuz so far he never tekan us b4.. hehe..anyway we are like good friends. can talk cock under the sun...Ever since i met him in 2pdf for RP course, i knew that he's very slack one and i am so glad to be in his section..haha

3SG Monty (Montgomery) : His name is very unique. Not sure if he's pure singaporean anot,but when u see his face, u wun believe that he's only 20 this yr when his face tells u that he look around 24 or 25...

3SG Gulshanpal Singh: A "horny" sergeant. Always love to disturb and make fun of his trainees like Pte Tan zhi wei, he named him as "Pte Too Tall" as zhi wei always hunch back cuz of his height....haha...and also sgt gul like to make fun of zhiwei many times, like he asked zhiwei how do he kiwi his boots? then gul says must use pre-cum....haha! anyway, since he always like to disturb ppl,whenever i see his face, i cant help laughing.... :D

3SG Yi Long: A person with nice personality. but he like to keep blinking his eyes. anyway he look older than his actual age,appear to look around 27. he's only 20 this yr....haha to think when i first saw him i tot he's NSman....lol!

3SG Shaun Marcus Joseph: Look at his name and u can tell that he's of mixed blood parentage. He's a Eurasian. Though he's a nice person, he always appear to look arrogant and cool. Just dun like the way he speak....sux!

3SG Valentine Chris: Admin specialist. When comes to range,ippt or imt or swim cat test detailing,he's always the one in charge. No wonder he can rmb all his trainees' names very well. He's also the future ACSM for next batch, according to what my section mate said. He's damn nice man,hehe...

3SG Jian Sheng: One of 5 new ssc instructors. Looks innocent but it was during the interview then i realised he is quite lone ranger among other instructors. just cant believe it...

3SG Wei Tze: Seems a nice person,but i dunno him that well. Not much to comment. But he can be good looking when he wear contact lens.

3SG Firdaus: A siao on instructor. he's specialised in training the Gold potential trainees for ippt. he can do chin up with his chest above the bar. No wonder he can get best PT for his batch. Steady!

MSG Bala: my course sergeant major. most of the time he's my source of motivation, be it during ippt or weapon training, or during AGR runs. when he's present, most of us can go beyond our limit. I am his so-called the "best trainee of the urban ops"....i also why he keep forgetting my name but anyway , Thank u sergeant major! (Favourite pet phrase: Roger? Good to go?)

MSG Loh: My course commander. He plays a major part in helping mi to overcome hydrophobia during swim lessons. he has helped mi a lot during swim lessons, and i learnt a lot from him,especially that day i almost kena drown on one of the lessons. He can str8 away tell mi where i go wrong and why i almost drown and he taught mi the correct way to thread water. Besides, he also coach mi the correct way of doing standing broad jump,SBJ,during the ippt test. indeed,i have get a silver standard for this after several attempts. Thank u sir!

Other than those mentioned above, other instructors i met are 3SG Yong sheng,Ivan,Ming Gen,Kai Han and Thong Hao.

Also, i would like to thank Shield 1 ppl (Privates Zhiguang,George,Sulaiman aka Madam,Jun Chong from NDU and also Nick Tan my "buddy") for being there for mi throughout the ssc.Without u guys, i wouldn't be so much happier as compared to my bmt section mates. I will always remember u guys and the happy and sad memories we had even if we go separate ways from ssc. shield one rocks!