Time really flies. Tomorrow will be my mounting day. the 7 days of standby seems so short,yet 7days of mounting duty in camp seems so long...my vocation in tuas naval base as a sea soldier really sucks......



So far i have joined TDS Platoon 1 for almost 4months already. Initially i dun like to join platoon 1 at all because of this selfish fucker who thinks he's always right. Well, my lucks dun seem to be good thats y i kena this platoon even though i really prayed so hard to get into platoon 2 (which is popular among everyone in ssc19)



I have something in mind. I have similar case like Kevin Alexander Chew (from SSC 20) and Kelvin Teo (from ssc12). We are all outcasted,especially by our own batchmates. Ever since the OJT (on-job training) period in TDS, most of my batch mates never talked to me in respectful manner. They are either being sarcastic to me or like to find fault with me, or even to the extent of badmouthing me behind my back to the ssc 20 or the seniors.



they can dislike me for all i care, but i never expect them to do such thing to destroy my name. How can they influence other ppl to dislike me as well? this is certainly not fair to me,especially when platoon 1 is well known for the culture of 老教切新教....so surely platoon 1 seniors, especially that fucker sergeant who's living in serangoon, will definite qie me....



Thus my life in platoon 1 is definitely not a smooth sailing and easy in the first place. Whether i do duty at West and East towers, DOC or guardhouse, there will bound to be someone who wun like me at all. this harsh fact has made me so emo ( slang for being demoralised and depressed) already. there are times when i really talk to myself by using my hp to act as a smoke object but Sergeant Danial, my GC, caught me doing that but i denied it.



Its only then when i do duty with that fucker Kelvin Teo (ORDed already), Jafar the CQ and Liang Hong (ssc 18 sgt), i understand why so many ppl in platoon 1 dun talk to me or even see me as invisible. this fact has further made me so emo.



As i have done several duty cycles, ssc 20 have also joined TDS. When i first met ssc20, i felt that time actually pass very fast as one month we only have to complete 2 duty cycles.when ssc 20 joined the platoon, i will become a senior. i do felt good about it. so when ssc20 were doing their ojt, i will take this good chance to build up friendship with them, and at the same time,while imparting ops knowledge to them as a senior, i can also improve on my daily land and sea security ops. I knew that my ops is really damn cui (hokkien word for lousy and fucked up), but i am willing to go thru my ojt notebook again and refresh my memory and also learn the hard way by kena fucked by that fucked up guard commander constantly during normal ops.



ok la, i shall stop here as tomorrow is the start of duty. so gotta sleep early tonight.....

Its's been almost 3months since i last blogged...Time flies... Actually its quite hard for me to maintain this blog and its a surprise that my blog exists until now...

There are many times i wanted to pour out my emotions into this blog but due to the fatigue from 7 days duty in camp,so i cant be bothered until now.

Recently i logged on to MSN. Then i saw Kelvin Wah,one of the friends i knew in SP,online. Now he dun really speak much to mi le . Perhaps i am no longer belong to his former care grps,so he has no obligation to keep in touch with me....3yrs of friendship,just gone like that....

Kelvin is my senior for the same course we studied. In fact, he's the very first friend i knew in SP 4yrs ago as he approached me when i went to SP for enrollment. He asked me to do a simple survey for him and the survey is all about Christianity. He was actually doing evangelism job, trying to engage non-Christians who just joined SP. This is how i get to know him when he smsed me one month later.

Kelvin was from God of Hope Church Singapore. there are many times he keep inviting me to his care group, which is quite to City harvest church version of cell group. Eventually, under pressure i decide to accept Christ as my Saviour and Lord.

Things weren't too bad until months later i felt that i have been blindly attending services every sat,and also have to stay ard for "fellowshipping"....that time i wasnt financially healthy so i always gave excuses to siam this fellowship. Everytime we went to S11 foodcourt or Republic foodcourt at Wisma i will have to spend at least 10dollars. sometimes, if the caregrp is going somewhere to hang out, thats even worse...

That time, i also attended Jehovah Witnesses Bible study actively,so more or less, i am drifted away from God. Also later on the care grp leader knew about it, he gave me a good lecture and from that time onwards the ppl from that care grp started to treat me with different attitude....

Here's the main thing i wanted to share: I hated those Christians who go all the way out for the unsaved ones just to convert them to christians. thats y even if they dun really like this particular "lost sheep",they still have to be nice to them for a purpose. this is why i feel that kelvin's caregrp are very fake or insincere since they befriended me for the purpose of evangelism (in evangelism, fellowship is one of the important steps before sharing christ)....

All along, i am not keen to be converted at all. Even Kelvin (my only close friend in this care grp) keep pressuring me to get holy baptised so that i can pray in tongue alomg with the church. i'm amazed by their persistence to get me baptised by praying non-stop but seriously i dun really feel the presence of Holy Spirit at all. So to avoid wasting time, i actually acted as if Holy Spirit has came to me and i am given the gift of tongue. this moment indeed made them so happy.

I always felt that i am not a genuine converts yet i obliged them by attending shepping session and weekend services...i have plans to tell kelvin that i will leave this care grp for good.....1month later, i went back to city harvest church to re-experience the home and presence of the Lord when i was still attending CHC svcs....that service i attended have made me soften and touched my heart and i decided to go back to CHC. As such, i told kelvin of my decision to leave the care grp for chc when he asked me when i wanna go back for caregrp. fortunately, he respected my decision as he understood my reasons for doing that...

Soon after that, those ppl i knew from kelvin's caregrp has treated me with different attitude. When i bumped into Lennon(care grp leader), caleb and Elisha(my shepherds), Jaron,Zhenyan and the rest in school, i said hi to them but they treated me as invisible... Was kind of disappointed but this is understandable as usually i hack care about this care grp by not attending services and caregrp meeting regularly...i am rude to Lennon and i dun usually mix with my care grp ppl. thats y i was thinking, with my fucked up attitude, why they still treated me so nice? if one day i'm not of the family, they will show me their true colours....they should dislike me, not tolerate me and still smile at me...so fake lor...haiz...

I'm so disappointed with HOPE OF GOD CHURCH S'PORE!!!