Its's been almost 3months since i last blogged...Time flies... Actually its quite hard for me to maintain this blog and its a surprise that my blog exists until now...

There are many times i wanted to pour out my emotions into this blog but due to the fatigue from 7 days duty in camp,so i cant be bothered until now.

Recently i logged on to MSN. Then i saw Kelvin Wah,one of the friends i knew in SP,online. Now he dun really speak much to mi le . Perhaps i am no longer belong to his former care grps,so he has no obligation to keep in touch with me....3yrs of friendship,just gone like that....

Kelvin is my senior for the same course we studied. In fact, he's the very first friend i knew in SP 4yrs ago as he approached me when i went to SP for enrollment. He asked me to do a simple survey for him and the survey is all about Christianity. He was actually doing evangelism job, trying to engage non-Christians who just joined SP. This is how i get to know him when he smsed me one month later.

Kelvin was from God of Hope Church Singapore. there are many times he keep inviting me to his care group, which is quite to City harvest church version of cell group. Eventually, under pressure i decide to accept Christ as my Saviour and Lord.

Things weren't too bad until months later i felt that i have been blindly attending services every sat,and also have to stay ard for "fellowshipping"....that time i wasnt financially healthy so i always gave excuses to siam this fellowship. Everytime we went to S11 foodcourt or Republic foodcourt at Wisma i will have to spend at least 10dollars. sometimes, if the caregrp is going somewhere to hang out, thats even worse...

That time, i also attended Jehovah Witnesses Bible study actively,so more or less, i am drifted away from God. Also later on the care grp leader knew about it, he gave me a good lecture and from that time onwards the ppl from that care grp started to treat me with different attitude....

Here's the main thing i wanted to share: I hated those Christians who go all the way out for the unsaved ones just to convert them to christians. thats y even if they dun really like this particular "lost sheep",they still have to be nice to them for a purpose. this is why i feel that kelvin's caregrp are very fake or insincere since they befriended me for the purpose of evangelism (in evangelism, fellowship is one of the important steps before sharing christ)....

All along, i am not keen to be converted at all. Even Kelvin (my only close friend in this care grp) keep pressuring me to get holy baptised so that i can pray in tongue alomg with the church. i'm amazed by their persistence to get me baptised by praying non-stop but seriously i dun really feel the presence of Holy Spirit at all. So to avoid wasting time, i actually acted as if Holy Spirit has came to me and i am given the gift of tongue. this moment indeed made them so happy.

I always felt that i am not a genuine converts yet i obliged them by attending shepping session and weekend services...i have plans to tell kelvin that i will leave this care grp for good.....1month later, i went back to city harvest church to re-experience the home and presence of the Lord when i was still attending CHC svcs....that service i attended have made me soften and touched my heart and i decided to go back to CHC. As such, i told kelvin of my decision to leave the care grp for chc when he asked me when i wanna go back for caregrp. fortunately, he respected my decision as he understood my reasons for doing that...

Soon after that, those ppl i knew from kelvin's caregrp has treated me with different attitude. When i bumped into Lennon(care grp leader), caleb and Elisha(my shepherds), Jaron,Zhenyan and the rest in school, i said hi to them but they treated me as invisible... Was kind of disappointed but this is understandable as usually i hack care about this care grp by not attending services and caregrp meeting regularly...i am rude to Lennon and i dun usually mix with my care grp ppl. thats y i was thinking, with my fucked up attitude, why they still treated me so nice? if one day i'm not of the family, they will show me their true colours....they should dislike me, not tolerate me and still smile at me...so fake lor...haiz...

I'm so disappointed with HOPE OF GOD CHURCH S'PORE!!!